matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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