I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
