I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
