It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
