i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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