I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
