I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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