dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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