she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
