is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
