i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
