There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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