he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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