umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
