Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
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I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
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You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
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