im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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