I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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