At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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