I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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