Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
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How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
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Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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