ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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