a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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