His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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