Who did Billy Mays play for?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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