ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
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