first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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