I just cut my nipple shaving
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
