Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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