Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
