farters have to be the big spoon...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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