apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
