im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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