I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
