So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
