new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Pooping to opera.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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