youre lurking in front of me
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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