It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
