Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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