mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
