Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
tequila makes me forget i have legs
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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