She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
