I smell stomach acid.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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