You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
