if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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