Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
