I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize