suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
