dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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