You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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