Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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