dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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