I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
