THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
