Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
