the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
