Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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