this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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