If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
