There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
