everyone is single if you try hard enough
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize