Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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