she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
