I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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