she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
