Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
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