I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
