Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
