But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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