his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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