I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
