I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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