Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
