It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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