i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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