He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
