Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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