Me too!
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
the room spins SO much faster in panama
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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