If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
